When our Peer Advocate Jonathan and his former partner had been trying to have a baby unsuccessfully for almost two years, they started to have tests. That was when Jonathan discovered there was a problem with his sperm count. He went through an operation to try to retrieve sperm from his testicles for future treatment, but the entire experience was hugely challenging.
It made me feel very disheartened and worried. I always had plans to have kids and this stumbling block was difficult to take. I didn’t really talk about it apart from to my partner. It was a real challenge for me mentally and physically, because I was going through procedures that were affecting my body. It also took a toll on my relationship. We both had an end goal to have a child together, but it was a real struggle for me to accept my circumstances and I just wanted to be alone at times.
I had undescended testicles, but I never knew that might affect my future fertility. I had a procedure at the age of eleven, and neither me or my parents were told about that potential impact.
I think information is very important. Fertility is such a massive industry and the main focus is always on the woman, but there needs to be more focus on the men’s side of it as well and on educating young men, giving them more information on what could affect their fertility at a future stage in life.
I’m from Uganda and my family have a different mentality about having children. There is an expectation that people will have kids but there are men, like myself, who struggle and it was difficult for my family to get to grips with that. We supported each other and spoke about it. We need to encourage more dialogue around male fertility.
I think it’s important for me to spread awareness and to advocate for men to speak about their fertility journey. This hasn’t defined who I am, it just empowers me to do more and to encourage other men to embrace their fertility status. There are other ways of having kids – there’s adoption or using a sperm donor – but when I was going through it, I couldn’t see that. Also my ex-partner had a child already so I knew how it felt to step into a father’s role and to be there for someone and love them when they are not biologically mine.
The problem is getting men to speak about fertility. Some feel embarrassed, some feel scared and that’s OK, I was there. I know exactly what they are going through. Actually when you speak about it, it’s kind of like a healing process and you heal inside.
I do have sperm stored for the future that I can use for treatment, but there are no guarantees. If it doesn’t happen, that’s OK. I know now that there are other ways of having kids and being a father figure.
You can see a fuller version of Jonathan’s story on our YouTube channel https://bit.ly/3y24CzQ